•Ever since I've run Fox Valley I've been feeling a little down. Sure it's probably a combo of the post marathon blues plus not hitting the goal I know I have in these legs. I've grieved enough, and am starting to move on and even started thinking about training for an early spring marathon! I'm happy that the "Marathon mix" on my iPod no longer almost brings me to tears. Oh and work has been super busy and has left me stressed to the point that reading blogs doesn't make me feel any less stressed.
•It's the deluge of "Fitspo" images that I see all over Facebook, twitter and instagram. I hate the kitschy slogans and borderline "Thinspo" models in the photos. This has bothered me for a long time. Anne Wrote an excellent post on this topic. I delete & hide all posts that contain this garbage. IMO I especially hate "strong is the new skinny" because I'm naturally "skinny" and can't do much to change that. There's plenty I'd like to change about my appearance, but I choose to embrace the body I have and not compare myself to some unrealistic ideal. Instead of being labeled "skinny" id rather be labeled as healthy and active. (Or why have a label in the first place?) Why put down a group of people? FYI, I haven't seen a "thicker" girl in any of those photos either. They are all skinny & most look like they have some sort of disordered eating. Plus, I love my wine, cheese and beer. Mmm
Kim found a cool advertisement that actually used a fit relatable looking woman as the model- who didn't have 0% body fat and ripped abs. Shocking I know!!
•Along those lines, I also hate the "Fitspo" of "you only regret the workout you don't do" or "someone somewhere is working harder than you." I will never be guilted into working out and know that value of rest days Are the key to success or longevity at any fitness goals & staying healthy. I have struggled a lot with guilt for not working out as much post FVM. I've maybe logged 30 miles total in the past 3 weeks and every day I decide not to go to the gym I feel guilty. I was used to running 5 days/ 45+ miles a week. My body needs rest after 14 weeks of intense training to remain injury free. And if I gain a few lbs during this time, then so be it.
•Daily Mile is starting to rub me the wrong way. I like recording my workouts & tracking my shoe mileage on there- because without it, I'd never be diligent enough to keep a log elsewhere. But... When I log a workout of "3 easy miles avg 8:00 a mile" I get the comments- "wow your easy pace is my full out sprint pace" or "I wish I could be as fast as you." Just as if I write how I'm disappointed in my 3:35 marathon and avg 8:12 a mile pace people will comment once again how they "wish they were as fast as me, don't be sad" or something else a long those lines. Of course I'm bummed, I just trained my ass off for 14 weeks and my body just broke down out of nowhere in the middle of a fu$king goal race.
And don't get me wrong, the support and encouragement is wonderful- but saying things like this puts down someone and diminishes people's accomplishments on both sides. Comparison leads to nowhere useful. I'm not "fast" by any means and won't be competing for an Olympic medal ever. But I do have work ethic and chose to spend some of my free time with this running hobby & for as long as I'm healthy, I'll keep trying to better my times- because that's just how I operate. I am starting to feel "guilty" writing a short blurb about my speed workout or whatever workout because of the comments. I should not feel bad I'm running faster than X or slower than Y. And perhaps this is just me over analyzing- and these comments mean no harm.
So I guess after this release of thoughts I'll feel better and eventually start reading blogs and stuff again. :)
Stay tuned tomorrow for a lighter- fluffier post about the Chicago marathon.
Are you sick of hearing about fall marathons yet? Haha
Cheers!
- xaar
Glad to see that you have moved on from FVM and are looking forward to your spring marathon. I am already looking forward to my spring marathon and I haven't even run my fall marathon yet. :) Training starts for my spring marathon in just a few weeks!
ReplyDeleteIt's so tough when the thing you put all your heart into doesn'tgo as planned, as you know. But ah, at least there's already another one. :)
DeleteSorry to hear you're not feeling great. It's hard to ignore people's comments but I love reading about your workouts and improvements and successes (and not so successes), so please don't censor yourself. And, yes, I realize I'm contradicting myself by saying ignore people but listen to me! :)
ReplyDeleteI know the comments are not mean spirited- it just gets awkward sometimes and im always hyper sensitive on how people view me- and I over analyze things... :) I'll keep posting and everything. Thank you for the kind words :)
DeleteI'm glad to hear you're feeling better about FVM - you devoted so much time to that race, it's totally understandable that it'd take some time.
ReplyDeleteAnd yay for homemade Fitspo! Except that it's way better than real Fitspo (do we need a new name for it?). I've been thinking I'd love to make my own, because the lack of thick/above average/heavier women portrayed as strong and fit is definitely annoying. I actually read an article talking about how a lot of heavier, out of shape people don't even start fitness regimens because they're afraid to go to the gym because they feel that they'll be judged about their weight. Which sounds a little ridiculous, but I was afraid of the gym myself for the same reason. I think fitspo/thinspo contributes to that feeling too, like only thin people can work out. It wasn't until Bob took me to his gym that I felt comfortable with it because I knew someone and wasn't just a fat girl flailing around on an elliptical. And now I love going to the gym - I have friends there and it always makes my day better, no matter how much it also kicks my ass. Whoa. Tangent.
We'll have to talk spring races! I have a few spring halfs in mind - there's so many to choose from. I was bummed that fall wasn't happening, but I'm actually really excited to train this winter.
I think we need to create a tumblr of our own "fitspo." :) I hate how you felt uncomfortable going to the gym- but I can totally understand how all the memes and ads can make anyone feel alienated from even starting. And the reality is no one is even paying attention to anyone else at the gym as you know. (except that one time i was on the tread and the girl on the bike in front of me needed to pull up her pants because her thong was showing...lol)
DeleteAND YES. must talk spring races! I think you made a good decision with GR. Maybe we will side 5 this winter??
I'm glad you are resurfacing like a phoenix, back to give out punishment on the running paths of Chicago!
ReplyDeleteI totez feel you on the comparison thing. I risk sounding like a d*ck if I respond and am like, DUDE! i'm spending 60-120 minutes a day running, this shit is hard, but I love it. I know you are trying to help me feel better, but that's not really what helps right now. Some days you need a kick in the ass, not a hug right?
YES. You totes get it. Eh.. im just moody lately. :)
DeleteIf you didnt run at the butt crack of dawn all the time i'd want to invite myself to join you and Annabel and the BRC for runs. But I like sleeps and afternoon running.
haha I think After Erin leaves, I'll be the lone butt crack runner! (my new nick name?) I still do weekend runs at a more normal time, but after work is always family time! We'll have to get some runs worked out!
DeleteOne of the many things I love about reading your blog (and about you in general) is your honesty with yourself and with the world around you. You are always real and true to yourself and it is really refreshing in the world of the internets. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about a workout you post on Daily Mile! Comparison is such a negative thing for so many reasons. Thanks for always telling it like it is and being true to yourself. You've got that BQ in your legs... It will just be that much sweeter when (not if) you get that qualifying time!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome. And I love reading your blog for the same reasons. (and those adorable photos of Patsy at 2am with puke on your shirt. LOVE)
DeleteDude two things:
ReplyDelete1) I HATE those stupid pictures on facebook. Until they start putting pictures of female body builders next to the "strong is the new skinny" thing, it makes no sense anyways.
2) Yup, I know what you mean on those comments. Generally well meaning, but we're all at different levels. If you work hard at something, it's natural to expect improvement!
Absolutely freaking true. And that's why I love your tweets and your infrequent posts :) Um next time youre in Chicago we must go for a run or beer!
DeleteOk first off, I am sorry that I recently may have offended you.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I am not secretly jealous of those who do not put all things in their mouths and get up more than I do and run, bike, swim, exercise more that I do.
Thirdly, I think you are super awesome, and I know you will get your BQ sooner than later. You are awesome!!!
after rereading my "secondly", it is because I am openly jealous..
DeleteNOOO Not offended at all. It would take a lot to offend me. (im actually not sure its possible... After all it's just words...)
DeleteWe all are at different points in our journeys and im sure I wouldnt run as much if I had a kid. I admire you for balancing V, work, running, life the way you do. I struggle with balance a lot.
You are a wonderful person & thanks for the kind words :)
I've been feeling a little burned out on blogging/social media lately too. Sometimes it's good to take a step back.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you're interested in a good online running log that isn't social, check out RunningAhead.com. I log my runs there and in DailyMile.
Im happy to know im not the only one feeling that way :)
DeleteI must check out running ahead!
I am happy you are starting to feel a bit better! And knowing that you need to take that rest and not push it now... even though I know you just ran a marathon, lol!
ReplyDeleteI would be annoyed if I was trying to talk about not hitting pace and just got the "but you are so fast!" comments. We are all at different levels. I bet though, If I searched long and hard I would find a time when I said, "I think you are awesome and it would be amazing if I could run that fast too!"
Thanks for the shoutout ;) And Anne did have a great post! I tend to ignore those silly Fitso posts. I didn't even know that was what they are called. But you bring up a good point - why the hell do we need labels? I even wonder this sometimes, with calling myself a vegan. I just use it because it helps people know what I do eat. But I don't use any other labels this way.